I’ve spent the past few weeks unwinding, letting go of the life I knew – finance, New York, city living, my 30s. I keep making plans in my head, to do, see, eat at places that I will no longer be there just a subway ride away, in short time.
30 days and counting now.
So, it is goodbye to my job and to this place I’ve called home for the better part of the past fourteen years. So, I find myself conflicted between wanting to follow the plans in my head, and doing what I want to do. Which is, not follow the plans in my head. Which is, sit with myself and dream. Wonder. Wander.
That’s another good name for a blog: Wonder and Wander. Credit me if you take this idea 😉 Though, someone probably thought of it already.
Slight aside. The number of alpha-numeric combinations assuming there are 15 symbols (I’m too lazy to look this up) and an 8 character password is ~45T. The world population is ~7.5B, so that’s only around six unique passwords possible per capita in this world.
I like to put things in perspective. We are growing at such a rate that the space one can find that is uncharted and free, is rapidly diminishing. But even the thought that there are no new original ideas anymore, is not original, is it?
Some part of me knows I will regret it deeply if I don’t do some of the things on my bucket list: go see Coney Island, go to Di Fara one more time, hire a mini sailboat at that pond in Central Park.
I think maybe, one reason why I don’t want to do those things is because I’ll be doing it by myself. On my own. And, those memories always have that weight of self-disappointment in them, don’t they? The sadness of knowing that I would enjoy whatever it is I’m doing more, if I were doing it with someone I cared for.
I won’t try and defend me feeling forlorn. I am not one of those I’m going to say what makes me appear strong or winning. I know it to be how I feel and it is therefore, my truth.
So, I sit here, another day ticking down, without doing the things I have on my list. If I am alone, then I will be alone.